Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ashes to Ashes



Walking into the
Sacred Fire
really really hurts.

Trust me.  I know. 

Over and over 
I've been burned to ashes
in that Fire
everything in my life
reformed and remade
over and over and over
sometimes all at once
in one fell swoop 
in the course of an hour
a day, a week
everything dialing back to 
zero --
my bank account
my gas tank
my power level
my heart
emptying out the place 
where the lover was
emptying out the place 
where the job was
sometimes, even, 
the place where 
friends were
and I can usually hear the Fire
beginning to burn 
the sound coming from far away
getting closer and closer
to me 
and there is absolutely 
nothing I can do 
there is no firebreak I can create
to turn it in a different direction
to send it away
I just have to be still and let it come.

And when it arrives and
I hear the Voice I've always heard 
say what it always says:
"Be still and know that I am God"
I obey and I hold still inside that Fire
and watch the flames cover everything
and they burn away the dross 
and they burn away the masks
and they burn away the fears
and they burn away the regrets
and they burn and burn and burn
until there is nothing left
except deep deep Peace
and I am nothing but warm ash
and I can then 
rest in the Heart of Jesus
be held in the Arms of God
be rocked in the Cradle of the Beloved
covered in the Cloak of the Great Mystery
for just a little while.

But eventually
when the time is right
like the Phoenix 
that lives on my arm
I begin to rise from the ashes
being reformed and remade
renewed over and over
reborn and reborn
becoming more and more
over and over and over
my very real 
my very truest 
Self. 

July 9, 2009

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